I recently spent a day with all of my children. I cherish these moments and try not to take them for granted. My youngest is about to turn 2, and I’ve been sober for each minute of her life. I took the day off and went to our local children’s museum. My inner child delighted in watching her play. I was present and clear-headed, soaking up every minute.
I have two older boys. I got sober when they were 8 and 4. During their younger days, my quality time with them was clouded by hangovers, numbness, and fog.
I did the best I could with the tools I had at the time. Although, I was involved, I was often grumpy and not fully present. Fortunately, aside from the divorce, I didn’t cause them much trauma. I guess the jury is still out on that one though.
I’m grateful that sobriety helped me to end the generational cycle of abuse and trauma that plagued my family for the last few centuries. ACA has been helpful in this regard too. I still attend one ACA meeting per week along with 2-3 AA meetings.
Every day my phone reminds me how precious time is. When photos of my kids from their younger years pop up, I feel a deep sadness knowing I can never get those days back.
That’s why I enjoyed yesterday so much. I was present and fully aware that my daughter would never be that age again. When I’m present, I’m suspended in time—caught in the moment. Cherishing each breath with her. Studying her actions and reactions. Wondering what she’s thinking.
Time. The invaluable resource. Don’t waste it. Sobriety has taught me not to.