Realizing how much is actually in my control can be both difficult and relieving. One of the hardest things about my divorce has been discipling my children while the place they live for the other 50% of the time has a very different outlook on raising children. My ex and I tried to get on the same page for years. We’re just two very different people. That was once not the case. Sobriety and life changes everyone. It can be hard.
My middle child has historically been a very good student. His grades started to dip last year (his first year in middle school) and they have been getting worse. At 13, he’s one of the last in his class to have a phone. I told him that if he received straight A’s for two quarters, I’d get him a phone. He’s been struggling a bit since that time and I just learned that his mom bought him a phone this week. Sigh.
I have come to believe that everyone is doing the best they can with the tools they have at the time.
I can’t control my son getting straight A’s. I cannot control what happens under my ex’s roof.
I can however, create an environment at my house that encourages learning and rewards progress. I can control my actions and attitude.
I can control if I pick up a drink or not. There was a time I didn’t have that choice. I was a slave to my addictions. Work the 12 steps deconstructed an unhealthy ego and rebuilt a healthy one. For that, I am grateful.
My kids have turned out to be wonderful human beings, despite what I thought the divorce might do to them. For that, I am grateful.
I’ll keep trudging the road of happy destiny, controlling what I know I can control.
“Life is to be lived, not controlled; and humanity is won by continuing to play in face of certain defeat.”
― Ralph Ellison, Invisible Man
