High Times On Bailey Drive

My Dirty Sobriety

Tag: Divorce

  • Control

    Realizing how much is actually in my control can be both difficult and relieving. One of the hardest things about my divorce has been discipling my children while the place they live for the other 50% of the time has a very different outlook on raising children. My ex and I tried to get on the same page for years. We’re just two very different people. That was once not the case. Sobriety and life changes everyone. It can be hard.

    My middle child has historically been a very good student. His grades started to dip last year (his first year in middle school) and they have been getting worse. At 13, he’s one of the last in his class to have a phone. I told him that if he received straight A’s for two quarters, I’d get him a phone. He’s been struggling a bit since that time and I just learned that his mom bought him a phone this week. Sigh.

    I have come to believe that everyone is doing the best they can with the tools they have at the time.

    I can’t control my son getting straight A’s. I cannot control what happens under my ex’s roof.

    I can however, create an environment at my house that encourages learning and rewards progress. I can control my actions and attitude.

    I can control if I pick up a drink or not. There was a time I didn’t have that choice. I was a slave to my addictions. Work the 12 steps deconstructed an unhealthy ego and rebuilt a healthy one. For that, I am grateful.

    My kids have turned out to be wonderful human beings, despite what I thought the divorce might do to them. For that, I am grateful.

    I’ll keep trudging the road of happy destiny, controlling what I know I can control.

    “Life is to be lived, not controlled; and humanity is won by continuing to play in face of certain defeat.”
    ― Ralph Ellison, Invisible Man

  • The Awakening, Part 1

    The Awakening, Part 1

    So, how exactly did I get here?  By an Awakening.  I suppose you could call it a spiritual one.  One that is guaranteed to occur if you follow certain steps.

    It’s been over three years since my wife of 13 years – we were together a total of 17 – demanded a divorce. Looking back, I cannot blame her. I was deeply unhappy with myself. I was in a downward spiral. Something was wrong with me. I just didn’t know what exactly that “something” was.

    Turns out my turbulent, erratic and traumatic childhood affected me more than I wished to admit. At the age of 37 I was forced to deal with my childhood trauma that I tried to suppress for decades. Alcohol no longer helped. Trust me, I tried.

    I was so full of self-hatred because of the way I was trying to process
    these feelings. Unfortunately, my feelings of self-hatred were transferred
    onto my wife. She did nothing but love me with all she had.

    So, the divorce that was thrust upon me and slowly began to wake me up. I say slowly because I still tried to drink for another month or so while trying to save my marriage.  Which, it turns out, was not exactly the most thought out plan.

    Part 2 forthcoming

    “While the Dark Night of the Soul is a process of death, the Spiritual Awakening Process is the rebirth.”

    Mateo Sol