Mourning Our Children’s Childhoods – The Teenage Years

I have two teenage boys. My oldest is maturing and finally coming out of the worst it. My middle child is just now entering it. He’s in middle school – middle school simply sucks. And his attitude reflects this.

I think the worst part is coming to the realization that once your kids enter the teenage years, they’ll never be children again. It’s a dramatic gut punch.

My favorite years that hold the most cherished memories are when they were 18 months through 11 years old. Its the period of so much growth and they still believe their parents can do no wrong.

It’s sad and difficult once the attitude starts appearing and they begin disappearing into their rooms for more and more of each evening. I get it. They need the solitude to learn who they are and to decompress from their increasingly complex days at school.

I still make it a priority to spend quality time with each child every day. We only have today and I will always strive to make the best of it.

I also work the ACA program ( Adult Children of Alcoholics), so I’ve dug deep into my own inner child work. And maybe I’ve been mourning my own childhood moreso than my own children’s childhoods.

Regardless, I’ll never experience childhood again. Mine was difficult and confusing. I know my divorce was hard on my oldest who was 8 at the time. I’ve grown into the Dad I’ve always wanted to become, but a broken home is a tragic.

There’s always a cost to growth. My growth as definitely costly, but worth it.

Maybe, someday, my kids will understand.

Seize the day. Nothing is promised.

“Don’t grieve. Anything you lose comes round in another form.”
― Rumi

The Awakening, Part 1

The Wheel of Awakening

So, how exactly did I get here?  By an Awakening.  I suppose you could call it a spiritual one.  One that is guaranteed to occur if you follow certain steps.

It’s been over three years since my wife of 13 years – we were together a total of 17 – demanded a divorce. Looking back, I cannot blame her. I was deeply unhappy with myself. I was in a downward spiral. Something was wrong with me. I just didn’t know what exactly that “something” was.

Turns out my turbulent, erratic and traumatic childhood affected me more than I wished to admit. At the age of 37 I was forced to deal with my childhood trauma that I tried to suppress for decades. Alcohol no longer helped. Trust me, I tried.

I was so full of self-hatred because of the way I was trying to process
these feelings. Unfortunately, my feelings of self-hatred were transferred
onto my wife. She did nothing but love me with all she had.

So, the divorce that was thrust upon me and slowly began to wake me up. I say slowly because I still tried to drink for another month or so while trying to save my marriage.  Which, it turns out, was not exactly the most thought out plan.

Part 2 forthcoming

“While the Dark Night of the Soul is a process of death, the Spiritual Awakening Process is the rebirth.”

Mateo Sol