A Vision For You – Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous

“There was always one more attempt and one more failure.”

I tried to quit drinking thousands times and hundreds of different ways. This is not an embellishment. 25 years of daily drinking and using adds up. There were many mornings filled with regret, shame and the empty promise that I would not drink tonight. That promise usually was made during my morning shower and broken by the afternoon. So soul crushing.

I read many self help books. I started (but never finished) many exercise programs. The only thing that kept me sober for more than a week between the ages of 13 and 37 was a jail cell. At least until I found the program of alcoholics anonymous.

“The most satisfactory years of your existence lie ahead”

This has become true for me. I lost almost everything in sobriety. The first 3 years were just brutal, as I was trying to learn how to live without drugs and alcohol. I was finally growing emotionally after being stuck at 13 years old emotionally for 25 years. I lost my marriage, almost all of my friends, my business and ended up with over $100,000 worth of debt.

8 years later, I’m in a very healthy relationship, a beautiful daughter, healthy relationships with my children and family, a new successful business and best of all – Serenity.

I help others. I am no longer a liability to my friends, family and community. I am an asset.

Time

I recently spent a day with all of my children. I cherish these moments and try not to take them for granted. My youngest is about to turn 2, and I’ve been sober for each minute of her life. I took the day off and went to our local children’s museum. My inner child delighted in watching her play. I was present and clear-headed, soaking up every minute.

I have two older boys. I got sober when they were 8 and 4. During their younger days, my quality time with them was clouded by hangovers, numbness, and fog.

I did the best I could with the tools I had at the time. Although, I was involved, I was often grumpy and not fully present. Fortunately, aside from the divorce, I didn’t cause them much trauma. I guess the jury is still out on that one though.

I’m grateful that sobriety helped me to end the generational cycle of abuse and trauma that plagued my family for the last few centuries. ACA has been helpful in this regard too. I still attend one ACA meeting per week along with 2-3 AA meetings.

Every day my phone reminds me how precious time is. When photos of my kids from their younger years pop up, I feel a deep sadness knowing I can never get those days back.

That’s why I enjoyed yesterday so much. I was present and fully aware that my daughter would never be that age again. When I’m present, I’m suspended in time—caught in the moment. Cherishing each breath with her. Studying her actions and reactions. Wondering what she’s thinking.

Time. The invaluable resource. Don’t waste it. Sobriety has taught me not to.

Allow Me to Introduce Myself

Rae Lakes
Rae Lakes

In some ways, this blog has been a long time coming, I have been inspired by so many others, maybe this little blog can help inspire others as well.

My intention with this blog is to tell my story. I hope it will help others implement a more productive lifestyle for themselves and for the greater good of the world. Along with sharing my story, I’ll share my journey and thoughts as they pertain to the spiritual, intellectual and emotional areas of life.

This includes thoughts on my passions:

  • fitness (I’m a runner)
  • food (I’m mostly a vegetarian)
  • music (I’m a former DJ)
  • spirituality (still finding my path)
  • fatherhood (two amazing boys)
  • coaching (youth sports)
  • books (I love them).

Many people say that they want to change, but few are willing to do what it takes to actually enact that change in their lives. Although I have experienced an awakening, I could not have done it alone. The universe brought many people into my life that loved and believed in me when I did not love or believe in myself. This was crucial to changing everything about my life. Bad habits were replaced with positive ones. My negative thoughts were replaced by constructive ones. Not-so-good actions were replaced by better ones. More will be revealed.

Peace and Love.

Love life.

Allow me to reintroduce myself, my name is Hov!

Jay-z